Updated: Oct 26, 2019
As I read all about this “toxic masculinity” and how dangerous it is to women I can’t help to think that the #metoo movement combined with the “toxic feminist” mindset has come up with this new class of mental disorder for men. Make no mistake that is what it boils down to when you dig into it.
According to the sociologist Micheal Flood, “toxic masculinity” traits include “expectations that boys and men must be active, aggressive, daring, and dominate. “
Another, Terry Kupers describes toxic masculinity as "the need to aggressively compete and dominate others" and as "the constellation of socially regressive male traits that serve to foster domination, the devaluation of women, homophobia and wanton violence". According to Kupers, toxic masculinity serves to outline aspects of hegemonic masculinity that are socially destructive, "such as misogyny, homophobia, greed, and violent domination". He contrasts these traits with more positive aspects of hegemonic masculinity such as "pride in [one's] ability to win at sports, to maintain solidarity with a friend, to succeed at work, or to provide for family".
The qualities of extreme self-reliance, domination of other men through violence, and avoiding the appearance of either femininity or weakness, comprise an unspoken code among prisoners. An example of this is often seen in men suppressing vulnerable emotions is often adopted in order to successfully cope with the harsh conditions of prison life, defined by punishment, social isolation, and aggression. These factors likely play a role in suicide among male prisoners.
Toxic masculinity can also take the form of bullying of boys by their peers and domestic violence directed toward boys at home. The often violent socialization of boys produces psychological trauma through the promotion of aggression and lack of interpersonal connection. Such trauma is often disregarded, such as in the saying "boys will be boys" with regard to bullying.
The promotion of idealized masculine roles emphasizing toughness, dominance, self-reliance, and the restriction of emotion can begin as early as infancy. Such norms are transmitted by parents, other male relatives, and members of the community. Media representations of masculinity on websites such as YouTube often promote similar stereotypical gender roles.
Feminist author John Stoltenberg has argued that all traditional notions of masculinity are toxic and ultimately reinforce the oppression of women.
Some even went so far as to say that the traditional things that we look at as being masculine or as chivalry are actually toxic masculinity in its infancy.
Let me break this down. I am going to start with the what I think of as masculinity.
While the Bible clearly states that the men and women are created equally in God’s image, it also clearly states that just as our physical bodies have distinct differences, there are distinct differences in the roles men and women are supposed to fulfill and our abilities to carry out those roles. The Bible shows that the main roles that men are to play that differs from women’s roles is that of male headship and leadership.
Men and women both have responsibility before God because God created them. But, men clearly have more responsibility for the tasks, people, and institutions that God has given them. Men are uniquely created to bear leadership responsibility in all of creation but especially in the church and the family. John Piper has defined Biblical masculinity like this, “At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for and protect women in ways appropriate to a man’s differing.“
It is obvious to anyone with the ability to see, that men and women have very distinct differences in their bodies, if only in their sexual organs. Men are certainly better at some things and women better at other things. Men are almost always stronger than women and can run faster. Only a woman’s body can sustain an unborn child in her womb and produce milk for an infant to drink. We have been made for different purposes but these purposes are not in opposition or competition. Rather, they truly complement each other.
The Bible presents a complementary view of, “both equality and benefit".
So we need to spend some time examining men’s and women’s roles in relation to one another. We have already established that our physical differences point to the deeper differences. Men are made strong with broad shoulders to bear the weight of life and being head of his family.
Women’s bodies are uniquely crafted to create life and sustain it. Women are naturally crafted to be nurturers and homemakers. This does not mean that this is all they can do or that men cannot help with nurturing kids. God created women are experts in this field and even the way men provide nurture is often very different from the way women nurture.
Men are made physically stronger so that they can work hard to provide for their wives and families, to fight and protect them when need be. Men’s bodies are made to move out and toward a woman in sex as initiator. This too is a picture of a man’s role in relating to women.
Women are made sexually to be more of a receiver and a responder; these complement each other. In marriage and the church, the women should primarily be characterized as sensitive, delicate, trusting, responding, revering, and admiring. She should be dependent on the man, showing her need for leadership, provision and protection.
Now don’t get me all wrong here. Women can be bold, forthright, and a creature to contend with and still live within the role God created her for. Women’s rights did many great things, voting, equal pay for equal work (for the most part), right to own property...but there are just things women can’t do that men can and vice versa. We compliment each other!
Women’s right have also gone so far as to say they do not need men. That men need to be more like women. Wow! Let’s back up here.
God created woman out of Adams Rib, she is strong because of that. What does that rib do? Protects vital organs and the heart. Women have a huge role of protection her husband and family. Have you ever seen the lead lioness in a pride? She is strong and does the hunting, but if she can not complete the job the man is there to do it for her. They compliment each other.
Society is trying to say if you are masculine, self sufficient, are the dominate head of your home (now dominate did not mean what we have turned it into); it means in control, guiding, leadership, you protect your family and property, hunt, have a gun, all of these qualities...that is “toxic masculinity“ because supposedly you will not have the sense to NOT rape that girl, NOT beat your wife or kids, nor to hold your temper when some dweeb at a gathering is being stupid.
It is these kind of men that do just that, they SHOW restraint, they SHOW courage and MORE OFTEN than NOT patience to try and reason with the unreasonable.
I think in the world where women have tried to emasculate men, make them feel lesser for having a penis...you get not “toxic masculinity“, but “toxic emasculinity”. Men that do exactly what they are talking about. Men that hurt women, children and others for no reason than someone challenges their masculinity. A truly masculine man does not have the desire to do such things because he has no need to prove his masculinity.
It is these emasculated men that are the examples of toxic masculinity...not what they are portraying. It should be “toxic EMASCULINITY.“
The masculine men, that are self reliant, can take care of their family, hunt, etc, it is these men that women are attracted to. Not the ones that have been beaten down by women and society to believe that it is bad to be a real man and all that entails.
It is in the Bible. We need more of their “toxic masculinity” and less of what I call “toxic emasculinity”